Its interesting that "time to talk" day and "world cancer" day both fall on the same day. Today, the 4th February we are being asked to talk about mental health issues and unite against cancer. Two huge health issues that our country faces that are more connected than most people realise.
Through out our cancer journey as a family we have experienced many a "heart stopping" moment. That moment when you are told that the beautiful child you love so much has a tumour growing in his spine, that moment when you are told there is little that can be done, that moment you watch your child flop as they are put under another general anaesthetic, that moment you are told the cancer is growing and spreading, that moment you are told your husband has cancer, that moment you are told there is a real chance that future children will develop the disease. These are the moments when your life changes and it will never be the same again.
Each time we left the room where these events happened, slightly dazed, and as we looked around the rest of the world was carrying on as normal.
People are going about their daily lives happily oblivious to the fact that our world is crashing around us.
People don't know how to talk to us about what is going on, they simply pull a sympathetic face and say "sorry" or "I don't know how you cope".
The truth is we cope because we have to cope. This doesn't mean we don't struggle and often leads to mental health issues.
So many emotions are attached to a cancer diagnosis and then the journey that you are on afterwards. We have met so many other families who all use the phrase "scanxiety" to describe the fear that surrounds check up's and scans, this doesn't ever go away no matter how far from the end of treatment you are. So many things can cause reminders of treatment and cause emotions to be stirred up. Sadly we often hear of children that we have met along the way losing their brave cancer battles, and in that moment it becomes real again that your child, your husband and many others are dealing with this disease that is capable of killing. Cancer and it's treatment obviously has a huge impact on a person's physical health but it also has a huge lasting impact on the person (and their families) mental health. This needs to be talked about, and not just today on world cancer and time to talk day but on an ongoing basis.
When Josh relapsed we found ourselves standing in the macmillian office at The Christie. We met some lovely ladies who we chatted with, they gave us a leaflet on how cancer can put a strain on relationships because of the emotions and stress. They told us to contact "Relate". We did this, but were told that there was a long waiting list and we would have to pay for the service. As a cancer family who were dealing with the very real financial cost of cancer (We're so grateful the NHS covers the cost of treatment but the other costs are huge!) this was something we couldn't take up.
This was the one and only time we were given practical real emotional support during this whole journey in England. This worries us, as it means countless families are facing cancer in this country and not being given "time to talk" and the emotional support that they need.
Thankfully for us, mental health was part of the "care package" that we received whilst Josh had proton therapy in Florida. After every consultation staff would sit with us and discuss how we felt, care was very holisitc and focused on the family as a whole. This is something that benefited us greatly and we would love to see in England. We understand that it isn't realistic in the current financial climate the NHS is facing.
Thankfully there are charities in the UK who aim to support families, please if you are facing cancer and need support, look them up!
If you are "lucky" enough to not be directly impacted by cancer, can we please encourage you to use today as an opportunity to reach out to someone who is impacted (either a patient or caregiver) and give them time to talk. Don't just "say you're sorry" or tell them to "cheer up" but actually listen and give them a chance to offload.
If you're impacted by cancer today, please use the opportunity to talk. If you can't talk to friends and family then please get in touch with a charity.
It's time we talked about mental health and cancer.
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